I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
