He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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