Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
