I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think your dad took our porno
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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