Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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