2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
