Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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