So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The air was thick with penises
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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