Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
