I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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