I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
