why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
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Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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