i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
