When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
