do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
