just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
