am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
