jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have tasted many bathrooms
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
