Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
