my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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