you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
