fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
