a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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