I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
