Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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