I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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