How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
