You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
