why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
