I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
