Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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