you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
