I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
