Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He is an equal opportunity slut.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
