So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
