Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
