Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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