oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
