Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
