I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
