My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
