Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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