I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
