have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Randomize
