I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
