i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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