i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
