Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
