Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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