Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
