I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
