bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
