i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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