SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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